Living with Anxiety -- Dealing with Daily Dread

There are hundreds of comics and memes out there that joke about Mondays. Most everyone dreads Monday. It usually means the end of the weekend, back to the grind. It's the end of relaxation and back to work.

For many of us who live with anxiety and other mental illnesses, every night is like Sunday night; we dread the next day. Or for others, like me, the dread comes in the mornings.

When I was in elementary school and middle school, most every morning I went through episodes of panic that often included feeling sick to my stomach. I remember the short car ride to school that I always wished was longer. I would feel panic right up until I got to my locker.

Morning dread has been an constant presence in my life. It is definitely better with medication, but it hasn't totally disappeared. Here is what it can like for me:

Eyes open

Deep breath

Shallow breathing

Heart rate up

Battle of the brain -- I don't wanna get up -- talking myself into getting up

thoughts about the day -- kids need me, tasks need to get done...

All of me wants to turn over and go back to sleep.

I JUST DON'T WANNA!

Kids call out

I JUST HAVE TO

Since going back on meds and using coping strategies from Dr. Claire Weekes, I can usually get up, take action on my day, and be fine. But in my times of breakdown. I often took way to long to get out of bed. Many days, I would bring the kids into bed with me. I'd let them watch TV while I tried to recover from major panic attacks. Or, honestly, I would just sleep more. It never ended well. Inevitably, the kids got cranky, because they were hungry. I'm sure you can imagine the scenes that followed.

Here are some things that I have been doing to help combat the morning dread. Don't get me wrong, these things have not eliminated the dread, but have helped me get through it faster.

1. Before heading to bed, make a schedule for the next day, especially if everyday is different. Being a free lance artist and stay at home mom, every day is different. Starting a day not having a clear vision, for me, leads to feeling paralyzed and then, nothing gets done.

I like to sit with the kids and make a schedule with them, giving them a chance to pipe in things they want to accomplish too. I don't actually state times; it's more just a list. For example:

eat breakfast

read stories

free play -- mom works

bake muffins

lunch

outside

stories

Reuben nap -- Gwenny quiet time

laundry

clean bathroom

supper

choir

bedtime

A list like this is very flexible, but gives just enough structure for our day.

2. Have a relaxing night time routine: After the kids are down, I wash my face, brush my teeth and all that jazz. Then, I will check my Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest accounts. All with the lamp on, because staring at the screen in the dark is scientifically bad for you -- it will keep you awake. Technically, I probably shouldn't even check my phone at all, but I do. 

Then, I read. I read until I can hardly keep my eyes open. 

Reading keeps my mind off of all the thoughts that intrude upon my brain which keep me from sleep.

3. When you wake up, breath deep and ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL the feelings. Don't fight it or try to make it go away. Accept the racing heart and shallow breath. Accept it all knowing that it will go away AND you can still function even when your body feels this way.

4. Knowing your body can function through any symptoms, get out of bed. In the words of Dr. Claire Weekes, "float" through the steps to get ready for the day. (If you are dealing with anxiety, please read her book. There is a link at the left side of this page). "Float" through whatever you do until you realize you are not floating anymore.

The mindset of acceptance and tending to the tasks with a "floating" mindset has worked wonders for me. Knowing that I can function with shallow breathing, shaky hands, and racing heart has begun to desensitize my body. And... the meds help too.

Now (most mornings), I only have to "float" to my son's room, change his diaper, and now by the time I get him dressed, I realize I'm feeling fine!

It's not everyday. I certainly have days of "floating" all the way through breakfast, but most days are better. And... let's be real, some nights I read until 2:00 in the morning, and I pull the kids into my bed and let them watch while I snooze... which never ends well. You'd think I'd learn my lesson.

How do you deal with daily dread? We all deal with it sometimes... some of us just a lot more than others.