Living with Anxiety -- Why I Choose to Medicate

I was first medicated in college for my anxiety disorders.

I went off for a bit shortly after I got married and relapsed severely. 

I went off, had a baby, and relapsed severely.

Those times I tried going off the medication, I was totally ignorant of all of the natural alternatives there are out there for all kinds of health issues. 

I had never heard of "clean eating." I never knew the all the processed foods I was consuming were reeking havoc on my body. 

I never realized that there are a gazillion chemicals that make our life more convenient, but are often dangerous for us. 

I knew nothing about herbal supplements or essential oils.

Slowly over the last few years, I have been learning about natural ways of living and changing how we operate in our household. I promise I will share with you about many of these changes that I LOVE and have made our lives better.

I began to read testimonies of people who were able to eliminate all medications from their lives through clean eating, herbal supplements, and/ or essential oils. 

Since this was something that I had never tried, I wanted to give it a shot. So, I stocked up on essential oils. Got the right supplements, and seriously tried to keep my diet clean. 

In future posts, I will go into more detail about the specific things I did, but this post is to give you a general idea of why I went back to medication.

To sum it up best: I now fully understand why my mom and dad both told us kids that they want quality of life over quantity of life. There were many MANY episodes, paralyzed in my room, when all I could think was, "this is too hard. No one should have to live like this." 

The thing about anxiety is you don't wanna live this way, but you're also too afraid to die.

(Whew! Heavy, I know).

All of the natural remedies in the world don't work if you don't do them, and that's what happens when I get in an anxious state. I don't care about anything. 

I don't brush my teeth

I don't wash my face

I don't rub oils on my feet

I don't swallow 6 pills (big ones)

I don't eat

If you have never experienced mental illness, it's very easy to say, "just do it. Get up and do what you need to do." I can actually totally understand why people who function normally would think that.

But, though I KNOW it, when in the mode of panic, it doesn't matter. I can't explain it. It just is.

I was getting sicker and sicker. I was losing weight at a rapid pace. I really was malnourished, and therefore was constantly feeling tired, weak and dizzy which then just made me feel more anxious. It's a vicious, vicious cycle.

I wanted to drink a cup of coffee in the morning with my husband again. I wanted to go out with friends again. I wanted to eat a cookie. I wanted to be able to take care of my kids without having to park them in front of a video to go recover from panic or have someone over to help me.

So, I am choosing to chemically alter my body. I am aware that there isn't much research on the long term effects of the medicine. I am aware that it could shorten my life span overall, but I don't care. 

I can function. I feel like myself again. I am not saying I am anxiety free or never have a panic attack. But, I can handle it. It doesn't send me spiraling down into a pit of despair. I am happy to be living life again instead of just trying to survive another day.

I'm sharing this simply to encourage those of you struggling with the decision to medicate. I know it's a tough one and not something to take lightly. You get STRONG arguments for medication and STRONG arguments against it. Ultimately, it's something you have to decide for yourself, and stand firm in the fact that you are in control of your own body. Because, no matter what you decide, people will still give their opinions after the fact : /

How about you? Is there a particular moment when you said enough is enough and started meds? 

Are you able to control things naturally?

Whether you are happy on the natural route or on the chemical route, encourage each other in the comments.